Hope

Hope. We hope for the best. We wish for good when there is nothing good to come out. When there is no way out of pain and suffering we hope. Is it worse to be let down by hope than to be in the pain in the first place? When our pain ends what is it we do over and over again? We hope, hope that the pain won’t return. Is it what keeps us asleep at night without a care? Hoping all night you won’t feel pain, or fear, or suffering again. But it happens. It happens over and over again letting you down. You start to wonder why you try, why you even care anymore. You start spiraling down into sadness because of hope. Because you believed it wouldn’t happen again. You cry, but no one hears. You cut, but the pain stays in your heart. You write the note. Letting everyone know who is to blame. Hope. You grab the cold gun, and go to sleep without hope. No one hears the bang. No one comes running. No one cares, Till tomorrow. your father comes in. he drops to his knees and weeps wiping the blood from your cheek and kissing it. The adoption papers came in, you are part of the family. The girl you have liked since sixth grade stopped by wanting to see your smile again. Your mother stopped the drugs and is finally clean now. Nothing to worry about and you missed it. Your dad picks up the gun, without you and without hope